PAINTING CLOWNS AND DOODLING DOLS IN THE DARK.

Might as well 'lipstick your mouth shut or stick something pretty in it.
Who ever really wants to hear what a girl has to say anyway?
Just be distracted by her looks...

HERE COME THE CLOWNS - "She's Sweet Like the Roses"

I'm working on this Clown painting right now..
There's an old dancehall song that I don't remember the name to or who sung it. But it's been in my head since I started painted on the roses-hat and rich lips on this pretty darkie. I don't have the words right and I'd love it if someone could help me out here with this lady in red. "She's like a Roses, the only one around. Pretty without makeup or lipstick pon her mouth.." Hopefully I can get it before the painting is complete...

GOT IT! Less than 20mins after a facebook post! (luv facebook fuh dat!) And as usual my lyrics were waaaay off! :D

Chorus-
"She's like the roses, the honey me approach
Pretty without the lipstick on your mouth
Rasta man say naturally yours
and ah cleanliness benghi want in a him house
She's like the roses, the honey me approach
Pretty without makeup or lipstick on your mouth
Yo hear the youths them ah shout
Yes ah Royal Nation growing in a d house"

Amazing song btw.
You can see all the lyrics here http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/sizzla/shes_like_the_roses-lyrics-1196604.html (the right ones! :)

... MAKEUP.. how would a girl disguise without it or show even?....

NEW WORKS IN PROGRESS_'Here come the Clowns'

20x15" acrylic on canvas

'I must be amusing to you,
A joke. Completely incomplete and curious
I am filled of blank stares in disbelieve that
like a clown is how you have me. How bewildering :/'

'What kind of clown am I?
A pantomime.
I don't speak.
My identity comes from my face,
With costume and makeup.
My own special face.'

I'm just working lately. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with it.
I've just got some things on my mind.

But I will say one thing. Which is that these days painting
is something I'm enjoying far more lately than designing.
The 'separateness' is very appealing.

So we'll see how this goes!

I had a friend who killed himself.. WHAT'S NEXT?

I had a friend who killed himself...I don't know why.

I was in a relationship with him for a few months but I never took 'the title'

After failed relationships, my trust was unavailable and I had no idea how to relax and just let go and be in it and I also wasn't sure how I really felt or if all I wanted was comfort and I couldn't lie to him.

He always seemed really happy. He was the life of the party, every party and was everyone's best friend. He was always smiling and he always made me smile but I wasn't 'there'...

Eventually I had to walk away because I wasn't giving to it. I couldn't. Whatever it is you need, it wasn't there. And he wasn't happy, he said I was all about work. I wasn't really.
I just wasn't there.

I walked away.

Weeks passed, months passed, we were friends we both had our own lives and suddenly Mr Happy wasn't happy anymore. He hated his job, he was unhappy about life. I couldn't understand and I'd never seen him this way before.

I hardly saw him, but I was always busy. He called one night. I was at my best friend's exhibition opening. I said I'd call back tomorrow. It was too loud to hear and I had a crappy phone.

I called back but he didn't answer.
I called again. He didn't answer.
I messaged. He didn't answer.

I was mad, I thought he was being so unreasonable.

Then weeks passed, months passed...

One day, a mutual friend of ours who was living in England at the time sent me a message asking, "Did you know that He* killed himself last night?"

What?...

My friend hung himself in his home.
I don't know why .....


I tell my friends all the time, I don't know what I'm doing I'm just doing and see what happens. Sometimes what I'm doing works out to be something really cool and other times not so much
but it's always a surprise.

I have old work that I look at now and think "How did I come up with that?" and I can't imagine
thinking of something like that now but I'm more intrigued at what I might come up with
next if I gave myself a chance to discover it.

I wish I knew why my friend didn't want to see what was next anymore.

What was stronger than his desires?

I wish I knew what was his next.

I wish I knew what's mines.

(Artwork from DRACONIAN SWITCH ISSUE 3- Featuring 'My Art')

'In the River, On the Bank'

I had a dream that I was home with my siblings and all my cousins.

We were out on the veranda and we were jumping back and forth like in that game, 'In the River, On the Bank' and I jumped forward and my cousin yelled, "Ten steps forward, one hundred steps back!" and I WOKE UP! terrified...

Something was wrong.

Something is wrong and I am terrified, that I am working so hard and only going steps backwards...

Maybe I should try jump rope instead because this game isn't working and the rain doesn't feel like a passing cloud.

(Artwork from DRACONIAN SWITCH ISSUE 3- Featuring 'My Art')

IT'S A PART OF GROWING.

For some reason being 'A Girl' has always made other people uncomfortable and has always put me in situations that I find, 'uncomfortable'. If not 'a girl', 'a young girl' , 'a black girl' 'a middle class' or 'working class girl'(These issues I've found at work and in my personal life)

I never knew I was a girlie girl until I started working and I never realized how people will use that against you if you go through life being naive and open all the time.

But that 'child-like enthusiasm' is something I want to hold onto for as long as I possibly can and that openness and willingness to learn must maintain! Not because I doubt my ability but because I am aware that that ability of mines is an ability to be open to the fact that 'I don't know everything' informs my work and my creativity. It makes me the designer I am and the designer I want to continue being as my abilities grow. And this mindset I have, this humility, It's Rare!

I know that people say that If someone says, "I'm humble" or "I'm a good listener" that it means they're not. But I think that people know who they are whether they lie or not so that's just irrelevant and if that's not the case then that sucks for them because I lack those kinds of issues and insecurities. I have others - I am a young female graphic designer in a place I am alone and because of that I only have room to just be me! And to make it challenging, it's in the 'developing' world!', For vacationers - 'The Caribbean', for Trini's -'Home'.
( Sorry, I have a weird and uncomfortable awareness of all these descriptions I've never had for 'home' before)

I am not changing or growing for anyone but me but I have noticed that a lot of growth was made easier by the supportive people I've had around me.

Negativity never grows anything.

I had a lecturer in John D. that said that , most oppression is self oppression.

I have a friend that says that people can only treat you the way you let them treat you.

Well in that case I'm fine and dandy and going to pack up and move to the beach to get more sun!

..I am still open to almost anything, still wanting and hungry to learn and giving people 100 points in the beginning and let them knock it down themselves and I'll more than likely give them back even if they don't deserve it.

I still like all shades of magenta and patterns that look like doilies.

And I'm becoming a better designer everyday.

So all this magenta, naive, at times 'duh-ish' girlness, it's me and it's all part of growing I guess.

BYE FOR NOW..

Hey,

After having to deal with naughty hyper-monkeys,
nosy bunnies and the exhausting carnival season,
the dols and I have decided to take a much needed vacation.


Though we leave to explore the planet, and our minds in hopes of finding inspiration and catharsis, we will definitely return with more intriguing stories to tell.


by for now~tanyadol